Living with Integrity

One of the themes of the last few months for me has been the idea of living with integrity. In everything. Feeling convicted about that in different spheres of my life this fall and how all-encompassing that can be. And how it can be exhausting to pursue that on your own strength. But good and humbling to be convicted of new ways that I don't live with integrity--new revelations of how I need Jesus.

Some time ago, my friend introduced me to this blog by a friend of hers. For whatever reason, the last few posts only just showed up in my google reader feed a couple days ago, but here are a couple excerpts that I found encouraging:

God grew in those moments (or maybe I finally shrank). I realized how big he was, and how small I was. He is in control and I can enjoy breathing. I can enjoy Him. Nothing is required of me. I am accepted by that which is greater than me. And I am safe there.

Intimacy with Christ often leads us to go backwards in comparison with what the world values. Though God may want to teach much through me, give much, love much, and perform much at some point, I appreciate so much this emphasis on being unimportant, unwise, and irrelevant.

Community is always around, and it has been my pride that has hindered me from experiencing it. I believe a lie that others care about me only for what I do, and not who I am. In reality, I believe that lie about myself: I am only valuable for what I do. I have based my own value in my productivity, instead of my relationships.

It's Christmas Eve. I plan on seeing Where The Wild Things Are this afternoon at the second run theater near my home, and then my mother and I will be picking my brother up from the airport. We've been a family of three for over ten years now. It still feels a little strange. We have a lot in common, and a lot that's different, of course. Family is so interesting. It happens in so many different ways, and then there's this whole other story of being adopted into God's family, becoming co-heirs with Jesus. But family is that weird thing that you don't choose, for all its blessings and dysfunctions.

I've neglected the beauty and anticipation of Advent this year. And suddenly Christmas is here. I do want Jesus to come and restore all things once and for all. But there are things that I want to see happen before then, right? Ways for the Kingdom to come and take shape around me and in my life and in the lives of those I love, before the end of our time. Maybe you know what I mean.

Here he comes, let us adore him.

"...what is the breadth and length and height and depth..."

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.


Sometimes I still get surprised by how broad and deep the brokenness of the world runs. So many things external to myself that I see and am involved in to varying degrees. Sometimes blindsided by Satan's ongoing work to sow dischord and division where we might least be attentive to it. All the systems and interconnected struggles just for the smallest changes and steps from darkness into light, the bearing of fruit in any given life. I'm being vague, and though I'm specifically thinking of other things, I suppose I could be talking about my own life, too.

I know I need to not make myself a savior in any of these situations. I also know that we are workers called into a plentiful harvest field, no matter where we are. Something about persisting through the long defeat, in the holy shadow of an almighty God's already assured victory. Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3 goes on with an apt benediction pointing us to this true God--his faithful hand and his powerful work and his eternal glory.

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I recently got an update from my friend who helps advise the campus ministry at our alma mater. I am heartened once again to read about the work that God is doing in a new generations of believers there. I reflect on His faithfulness before, during, and since my time there. I'm encouraged to hear about the alumni who have been returning for visits to share their experience, heart, and vision of God's kingdom work with the body of Christ in this small college town in Vermont. I really appreciate the hopeful reminders that God sends in the midst of other setbacks or frustrations.


Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Happenings

Show last night at the Basement with Old Bear and Kyiv was actually pretty solid, despite some minor mishaps and my own stumblings and intonation issues whenever I can't hear what's going on, which is semi-often when there's no time to do a sound check (that's just a cheap excuse--I'd have those problems on almost any gig involving a sound system, sigh). But a couple proud moments, too--I particularly liked a solo that I took on the last song of the night. Good music that I can enjoy with good friends whom I care about. I think it's the kind of gig that I'm looking for. I'm still figuring out where and how the music all fits into my life. Art. Beauty. Not sucking. But after a busy month and a half of rehearsals and gigs and recording, I've got a couple quieter weeks, I think, before things pick back up again in the second half of the month.

Went to a few of the plenary sessions of the Christian Community Health Fellowship annual conference here in Nashville last weekend, courtesy of the clinic I volunteer at. I am not a medical professional, of course, but since the central theme was the Kingdom of God, a lot of what the speakers were sharing was a broad call toward a focus on God's Kingdom and what we as followers of Christ are called to be/do in bringing that to bear in whatever spheres we find ourselves in. So it was good, I appreciated a lot of it, resonated with various things I've been thinking about as I've become steadily invested in my church community, its vision and my family there and our sense of place in East Nashville.

The weekend before that (Memorial Day weekend) I was a groomsman in a special little wedding here in town. A lot of folks poured out a lot of effort and energy and giftings to make it a really lovely celebration. All I had to do was show up in my tux. The next day I moved in with a friend of mine, so I'm finally a bit more settled, at least for the semi-indefinite future. Then spent the next day helping out a friend of mine from church who runs something called The Bridge (a program of the local YMCA), joining up with a bunch of folks for some cleaning and organizing and setting up for their summer enrichment program at a local middle school. Seems like it's pretty amazing and intense. They just started up this week.

What next? I might help out this weekend on a work project with some church friends for the Barefoot Republic summer camp. Or I might just have a quiet day. The push/pull of wanting to be busy and co-laboring with friends, but trying to take seriously my need for a bit of rest, too. We'll see, it's a game-time decision.

And yeah, I guess all those paragraphs are about things and programs and events and labors where you can see the Kingdom of God breaking through and transforming our life and culture and relationships, etc.

And it's June. Whaddya know.