Last week my neighborhood group (small group, cell group) met for the first time since the holidays to start up another season of fellowship, Bible study, service, prayer, and worship (I think that's the list) over at KIPP Academy (a charter school here in East Nashville). We'll start our reading program with the students tomorrow, and so last week was mostly a time to do a bit of work for the school and then just hang out and get to know each other some more. We're largely the same group that we were in the fall, with a couple new faces. I love my NG, it's great.
So our group leader brought a sort of getting-to-know-each-other, ice-breaker exercise--a poem sheet with about 20 lines or so, each starting with something like "I am...I wonder...I hear...I see..." and then a blank line to fill in. We wrote for about 10-15 minutes and then shared our poems with the rest of the group, and it was really cool.
Here's mine, a snapshot of part of where I'm at right now:
I am in process, and so
I wonder when will
I hear the one true voice of reassurance, when will
I see myself anew, until finally
I want to stop staring at myself in frustration at just how much
I am caught up in myself, and so
I pretend to be stable, even though
I feel much more deeply now than even a year ago. Whenever
I touch an unfortunate memory and remember too much, whenever
I worry again and again and again and again,
I cry out to a God that I block behind myself, because
I am stuck staring at myself. Now
I understand even less about how to pray and how to live, though
I say all manner of things to sound good, and
I dream the wrong dreams and chase the same idols over and over and over as
I try and try and try to make it work for me, so
I hope on a true hope without really knowing how, waiting for a day when
I am finally done staring at myself, because I will finally see glory for everything that He is.
