A year ago today one of my dear friends lost her brother in a car accident. A group of friends from church gathered at another friend's place to remember her brother, encourage and pray with her, share fellowship and worship God together, and just love her as best we could. Another friend baked some of her brother's favorite pies (Key Lime & Apple), and there was some wonderful time off hanging out and being in community and communion with each other.
I had only known her a couple weeks when the accident happened, and I didn't know her brother at all. They announced the news at church the Sunday after it happened--it was Super Bowl Sunday--and somehow I just wept and wept and wept when I heard, grieving deeply with her and for her and for her family. I had been reflecting on my father's death around that time, and so perhaps my heart was prepared to enter into another's mourning--weeping when others weep, as Paul says in Romans.
My father passed away nine years ago next Saturday. I suppose I don't think about it too much. It would be nice if he could see where I'm at and what I'm up to these days, there are a lot of milestones and things where his presence has been missing. But I do remember him fondly, that he loved me well, as best he could.
I try to hold onto the reality of heaven and the sure hope it presents, all possible because of Jesus' life and death and resurrection. Sometimes that hope and that reality are clear and beautiful in my sight. Most of the time I guess I get bogged down in the day-to-day, and I don't suppose that I'm "eagerly awaiting a Savior from there" (Phil.3:20) as much as slogging through and getting by--a mix of enjoying and lamenting life.
Against this backdrop of semi-complacency, I feel like God has been at times quietly and at times rather noisily breaking into my life these last few months. I hope so. I need my sight refocused, I need a new enthusiasm for dwelling on His Word, for actually desiring His Will, for praying and praying and praying some more. He is a good and right and true and just and faithful God. I need the power of his love and affection to rightly claim my heart--oh, that I would finally worship the only One worthy of worship.
The last couple days have had some fasting and praying and confusion and trials and rich blessings. Some excellent, fruitful time of talking things out with some friends, having wisdom and light spoken into my life and my uncertainties. God is faithful in so many ways, and I thank Him for the community of friends that I find myself in the midst of here in Nashville.
Thy Kingdom come.
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Lastly, please pray for my dear friends, Tom & Megan Langsdorf. They were stuck in N'Djamena along with Megan's dad when the fighting broke out near and in the capital. We're awaiting updates on their blog. The waiting and my anxiety are showing me some more wrinkles about what it means to have faith.
Thy Will be done.
