"As long as your cry for relief is louder than your cry for a changed heart, you'll never mature as a man." (Dr. Dan Allender)
That was one of the "Reflection and Preparation" quotes on the first page of the church bulletin yesterday. How true. I've cried for relief far more often this year than I've prayed for a changed heart. The bad news of my life speaks more loudly, eloquently, and persistently to me than the Good News does beautifully or consistently. It would be nice to have a more than just a couple days in a row of simply resting in the joy of Christ before the next round of whatever it may be.
I need the discipline of looking to Jesus at every moment and reminding myself of God's true character, of perpetual repentance and dying to self over and over again, stripping off my self-right and my porcupine hard-heartedness, my idolatry of false saviors.
Towards the end of his sermon yesterday, our pastor reminded us that a phoenix rises from the ashes--not from a burned out stump or a partial loss, but from total ashes. We don't just need something to cover up the blackened spots or to build up from the hollowed out shell. We need a brand new thing.
It's getting dark even earlier now after daylight savings time ended this past weekend, and there'll be shorter and shorter days for another month and a half before things start slowly going the other direction. Heading into winter now, as much as I might want immediate changes in my external circumstances--something that I've thought about for a couple months now in terms of moving to a new city, something which may happen in a year or never--what I need right now regardless is a changed heart. From a heavy heart to one that believes in the abiding reality of joy. That promise of being in Christ and being a new creation. I am tired of me, and I am crying for a changed heart.
