my heart is an idol factory. it takes things--people, possessions, goals, whatever--and elevates them beyond their right worth. elevates them to be little gods in my life. little gods that i must have and control on my own terms, and all the while they control me. i feel disappointment and elation, self-confidence and self-worthlessness, all based on how they're going in my life from moment to moment. they own me, and i don't let them get away easily. cause i'm stubborn stubborn stubborn.
i give my heart away so easily. mostly to people (read: girls). i sometimes wonder if i have an even greater predilection for it than most other guys. replaying interactions to parse the subtle signs. daydreaming imaginary conversations. i see it happening step by step--churning out another idol off the production line.
in every instance, how quickly do i turn away from the false twist i make--even of true and good and right things in life--and turn back to Jesus. my compass. my light. my peace. my shepherd. my savior. the only one who fully knows everything that is good for me. who desires and ordains all this good for me.
JESUS IS THE LOVER THAT I LONG FOR
i know that i can't change me. i can only have confidence in God's ability to change me. to humble my proud heart. to draw me deeper and deeper into love and worship of him. away from the false gods of my own shoddy making. i have no other true hope.
Praise to the Lord, who over all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?
Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee
Surely His goodness and mercy shall daily attend thee
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee.
