Bitterness taking root deeply deeply.
Feeling judged, misjudged, misunderstood, presumed upon, holier-than-thou'ed, and held up against hypocritical double standards.
And yes, I certainly did contribute to my predicaments.
And yet, Jesus bore far greater injustices than these.
He bore even these.
How much do I believe that truth vs. the more palpable reality of the immediate painful circumstances?
Still, I'd rather not have to deal with any of it.
Paying it down over and over.
But, this too shall be made right.
Not in a self-righteous way, but in a resting in Jesus way.
If I can let go and find myself there.
Hoping that it will be the death of me in all the good ways.
And not the rigor mortis way.
Thinking about a David Wilcox / Pierce Pettis song:
If it wasn't for the night
So cold this time of year
The stars would never shine so bright
So beautiful and clear
I have walked this road alone
My thin coat against the chill
When the light in me was gone
And my winter house was stilled
When I grieved for all I'd made
Out of all I had to give
On the eve of Christmas day
With no reason left to live
Even then somehow in the bitter wind and cold
Impossibly strong I know
Even then a bloom as tender as a rose
Was breaking through the snow
In the dark night of the soul
In the dark night of the soul
If it wasn't for the babe
Lying helpless on the straw
There would be no Christmas day
And the night would just go on
When it seems that death has won
Buried deep beneath the snow
Where the summer leaves have gone
The seed of hope will grow
